Never has a vote, since Brexit, been so divisive and its the hot topic in Thailand of bar girls. Take a look at the votes from my Facebook page for yourself, it is neck and neck.

On face value we are all flesh and blood right, so should it matter? Well I guess it comes down to your own perception on matters but also there needs to be a reality check here.

I have heard some expats define going with a bar girl not like prostitution but rather more akin to ‘renting a girlfriend’. If you were in Kings Cross London and go with a prostitute it is all about a quick transaction. You pay your money and you get sex. The dynamics can be slightly different in Thailand and you could stay with your ‘rented girlfriend’ for the duration of your holiday.

I always struggled with the idea of dating a bar girl, and I have to admit I have ‘been there, done that’ but was always uncomfortable with what I was doing. It was in my early years of living in Pattaya and all my friends had taken their girlfriends from the bars and I fooled myself into thinking this was the only way if you wanted to live over here. My circles back then were bar related and I had yet to find a job.

One comment to my poll seems to summarise the situation: “You can take the girl out of the bar but you can’t take the bar out of the girl”. Often the girl is tainted by other bar girl talk and they have an expectation for what they should be entitled to being in a ‘farang’ relationship. Paying a ‘retainer’ to the girl each month for starters, but remember my point on perception, some foreigners would defend it by saying you would look after a regular girlfriend in the same way. I cannot look at it in this way, the bar girl expects this money in order to stay with you, a normal girlfriend would be supportive of you.

The other thing I found nuts – and I am not talking about the ladyboys crown jewels – when dating a bar girl all those years back was telling lies to my friends and family. When asked how I met I certainly didn’t say she was a prostitute and that our first ‘date’ cost me one thousand baht! What if I went on to have children with her and my kids asked the same question of how we met?!

When there are so many better options than choosing a bar girl, why choose a bar girl?

More often than not if you do have a relationship with a bar girl they have no motivation to find a job neither do they have any goals in life. They are happy to live off you, the bread winner.

It depends on what you are looking for

Now I am merely sharing my opinion as to what I would want and expect from a partner, but there are always other views. One other poster explained why he has no qualms dating a bar girl: “For most men no. For me yes. I dont get emotional attachment i dont care who else she is “seeing”. Its a trade off the value of seeing her and not seeing her. If shes fun, good to be with, and good in the bedroom then game on. Comparative to the cost. If she is high maintenance then the cost outweighs the benefit. Low maintenance good fun good company then most assuredly its a yes. For mere mortals no they cant deal with the jealousy issues.”

As men we are all in different stages of our lives and when we get older it is quite plausible that what we look for in a woman changes. If a bar girl can satisfy needs from sex to companionship then for the older guy maybe this is all he wants. Plus if you are 60 years plus you are just trading some of your hard earned cash for the chance to be able to still go with and even date younger women. As one other poster pointed out: “Its not really dating. It’s more a benefit thing.”

The question of this survey was that of dating and if you are to date a bar girl you need to be aware of the risks and heart aches that are likely to follow. One poster wrote: “If you fall for a bar girl your trust in her will make you go crazy while your away you could be just another sponsor sending her money so she don’t have to work bar and go back to village blah blah”.

For me, I have dated two Thai bar girls in my time here in Thailand and both did my head in. They had no motivations in life, always wanted money, moaned and had a mindset that was poisoned from their time in the bar. I am sure some of you will disagree and say you are happy with your girlfriend who used to work the bars, but I am sure of this – you are a minority!

This debate will rumble on and remain as divisive as ever. It comes down to your perceptions on how you handle the facts, the actual girl you met and also as to what stage in your life you are.

 

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