There was a lovely story posted recently on Dan about Thailand by a guest writer whom shared the story of his Thai wife moving back to Scotland with him. In general it was met with lot’s of good messages of support across the social networks and as a post in one day it surpassed 5,000 page views.

It proved without question a very popular blog for others to read. However, there were a few who could say nothing nice about this relationship and it actually turned quite personal to the couple in question. The subject of a Thai girlfriend seemed to invoke much anger from many, presumably by those burnt from such relationships.

Let’s clear things up for starters before I move on. A Thai bar girl and a regular Thai girl are poles apart and should not be to refereed to in the same way; however that is not to also say Thai bar girls cannot make good girlfriends or wives either.

Secondly there are cultural differences between Western and Thai that seems to infuriate many Westerners, such as dowry’s. If a man wants to get involved in relationship with a Thai girl then he should except the cultural differences. He should know what he is getting into before hand. To reject such tradition is narrow minded. If you don’t agree with a dowry then maybe a Thai relationship is not for you.

I have very good relationships with Thai people, both men and women, and find them very warm individuals. Of course, there are traits that can be annoying such as their laid back attitudes but in some ways I have made some learning’s to my approach for life from this. Case in point, I no longer get stressed when someone cuts me up in the car for starters, I mean, what’s the point?

In my years I have had relationships with Thai girls, along with British girls too for that matter, before finally finding my match who turned out to be Russian. For me it is the person, rather than the nationality. And to be honest, not to offend any of my female readers, but women world over can all be a right pain in the backside when it comes to relationships!

Is it risky to have a Thai bar girl as a girlfriend?

Quite simply, of course it is – but if you like the girl then sometimes it can be worth the risk. I know lots of friends now happily married back in the UK with their wives who all came from the bar.

It is also a huge contradiction to judge these girls and look down on them when you are playing in the same arena in the first place – as the paying customer! Why would the bar girl not also doubts the intentions of her new boyfriend whom she also met in a bar?  Clearly he was quite happy with paying a bar fine to begin with in the first place for example.

It is hardly surprising that many men have been burnt both financially and emotionally by bar girls as the whole relationships starts as a transaction – the very first encounter was based on money.  These girls often have young children and aging parents to look after – remember Thailand does not have pensions or child support payments, and it can be tough. Many of these young girls carry a big burden to help their families with weekly payments. For the love of their immediate family they work the bars in order to help their family.

But, there is also two sides to this defence. I meet with many restaurateurs who say they cannot find waitresses easily even on salaries of 15k baht and tips. They say many would rather the easier life of working the bar scene. But, I cannot help think it is not really ‘an easier life’ and so I am a little torn by this argument to be honest.

The issue with the Thai bar girl and a relationship is that emotions get involved and that can stop normally rationale judgement by Western guys who then refuse to see the warning signs, until it is too late.

Thai women make excellent partners for many

Culturally Thai women can be a perfect partner for many Western men. They are attentive, caring and – away from Bangkok – follow a more traditional relationship paradigm. So the guy is the bread winner and the wife tends the home etc. Increasingly though the younger generation are now becoming more Western and want – quite rightly – careers of their own.

There is so much more than can be written on this topic and points like cultural differences and relationship expectations could be opened up far more, but it is such an emotive subject for many that I would prefer to tread carefully and, for now at least, leave it at this.

We are all human and seeking happy relationships in life, it is just sometimes – for one reason or another – this gets lost on many.

 

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